nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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