I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The best revenge is premature balding
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
