glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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