I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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