Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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