and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
