The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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