i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
