yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
