I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
