The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
