I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
