My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
