i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish you could order shots online.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
