Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
