Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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