I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
