I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
