make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
