If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
50% drunk capacity currently
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
