Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
