If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
That's when you crack a 10am beer
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
