i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
