Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
