Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sober January is a disaster.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
