the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
stop calling my apartment porn island.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
