please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
