This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
