I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
