dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
