She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
