best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
