I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
