guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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