Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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