after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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