Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
