She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
