dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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