Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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