idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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