CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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