Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
