I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
high people should be assigned attendants
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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