she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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