remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
