A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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