i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
