Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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