Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
