I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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